on anxiety and the the waiting game

I’m supposed to be writing a prospectus and a fellowship application, finding committee members, writing a final paper and grading student essays. I promised I would finally put away my piles of clean clothing after orals. But this week has been unfathomable. It’s looking up clearly, largely thanks to GA and PA (my beloved homestate) and it has been nearly impossible to think of anything else. Even when I find a YA book to read, put on a movie or do three meditations in a row. I cannot stop thinking about the election, stop counting, stop waiting.

my election day station

not pictured: joggers on the bottom of my election day outfit.

But I changed out of joggers and put on a cute outfit yesterday and I did feel more like a person. I built patio furniture with a friend (ikea) and the distraction was good I think. And today, I missed Philly more than ever, so I wore my Phillies Jersey. A few new things arrived in the mail. It isn’t fixing much, but it’s making me feel more like a person and less like a sentient panic attack.

Here are a few outfits from the week..

my love of yellow is going strong here.

nothing cheers a girl up like the best cookies in the city.

I miss my city hard today.

bless Natasha. this palette is a work of art.

and my new notebook came today, which I needed desperately.

Nothing will fix the deep deep anxiety I have felt over the last week—certainly not shopping or clothes or meditation or snacks—not even my medicine or therapy. But it has has certainly helped. I think I am gonna go meditate in the tub with a coke—it won’t fix anything. My anxiety, this country, whatever. But it might help me.

Some tools I use for my anxiety include the Headspace app, a weighted blanket (i have the original Gravity blanket but Target and Amazon have cheaper versions now, a white noise machine, slippers). These are obviously in addition to my doctors and therapist and medicine, but I know a lot of people are feeling a lot of anxiety these days.

furry blanket/anthropologie

vote sticker/heidiroo

rainbow cardigan/ban.do

giant scrunchie/ Free People

turtleneck/target (last season?)

jumpsuit/Modcloth (also last season)

cookies/maize bakery

Natasha Denona Sunrise Palette/sephora

notebook/mossery