searching for past selves
I’ve been a little nostalgic lately and I also finally found my external drive. It contained all of my pictures, many of them showcasing some of my more memorable outfits over the years. There were semesters in college that I took an outfit photo every single day. Sometimes, just to get a friends opinion but others were supposed to be a sort of record of my life, in clothes.These were all taken between 2008 and 2012. And you can tell. From emo kid to early 2010s fashion blogger poses, they are all so dated. But they take me back to a time and place of energy and growth and absolute earnestness and self loathing. I would never want to be there, be her again. But i love her anyway. Please excuse the quality, many of these were taken on a phone before they had good cameras.
This one was taken in 2009, fall of my freshman year of college. I know it’s not a full outfit shot, but I wanted a beanie like this so bad that year. I made all of my friends search for one with me, finally finding this sad little grey thing in the Men’s section of H&M. That scarf, which was my best friend/bib/favorite accessory for years was a Kohls score during back to school shopping. Of course, I still lined my water line, as I anxiously awaited the release of Brand New’s Daisy.
This was taken Spring of 2010, still freshman year. Love those cinder block walls. This dress, which I couldn’t quite figure out how to style was one of my Rodarte for Target purchases and the beginning of my absolute obsession with the Mulleavy sisters. I would have usually gone with a black or grey cardigan, but the baby blue threw me off (not in my usual reportee, even now) so I wore this sweater that I got at a surf shop in Virginia Beach over winter break. Who knows where I got that scarf. But I felt confident that day, sitting outside my crushes dorm eating lunch, no longer a first semester freshman. Sadly the dress wasn’t re-released for the Target anniversary collection, though I did grab two skirts and dress that I coveted.
The summer between freshman and sophomore year of college I experimented with my clothing A LOT. I had a poorly paid job and I bought a new camera and a lot of very cheap clothes. I got very blunt with my bang trims, became obsessed with Alison Mosshart of the Kills, bought a faux leather motorcycle jacket, and went to a lot of shows. I also spent the summer watching Teen Nick when I got home from work, so think what you will about any growth I had that summer. I had a work crush, so I baked him cupcakes all the time since my regular college crush had a girlfriend. I got that necklace while shopping at Forever 21 with my grandmother and the mini skirt (which actually had a very fake lace design) was purchased for 6 dollars after I literally found it on the floor of the Forever 21 in the Park City Mall. And I bought 7 identical black shirts from Wal-Mart that summer and wore them until they literally disintegrated. This was one of them.
By sophomore year, I was a little more confident with the flat iron, with cutting my own bangs (I should not have been), with doing awkward outfit photos. The Kohls Scarf appears again. I thought my cardigan (H&M) would make this mini dress from Forever 21 appropriate for class. It absolutely did not but I still wore it. The purple flower has been lost to time, but I loved that thing.
And then I was a junior. My hair got shorter and so did my skirts. Was still abusing the flat iron and cutting my own very uneven bangs. I picked that handmade headband up at a flea market in Philly and I still wear it regularly. This was my second ever long black cardigan, the one that replaced the most essential purchase of my “going to college” shopping. This one was a little thicker and from H&M and I wore it in every possible configuration. The dress was a Forever 21 find, one that my grandmother found. I wore it to class, to parties, to study, to sit on the concrete and drink. I got these tights from Urban Outfitters, which was way out of my price range but I WAS in love. And those are my Frye boots, though I probably should have worn a shorter boot here I imagine they were covering a giant rip in the tights or something.
This was around the same time I think. I was very into pattern matching but wasn’t quite there yet. But I knew that florals and stripes together were a go and that the blue in these tights (also from Urban) went with my stripes. I’m not quite sure how the scarf fit in, but this was quintessential Holly. So many layers. That mini skirt (H&M, 2010 purchase) was my most worn item for years. To parties of course. But also to class, to meetings, to a tour of the WHITE HOUSE. I had no shame. The blazer was a hand me down from my Aunt. I was probably going to class here.
This isn’t a full outfit, I know. But I got this cardigan (Kohls strikes again) for Christmas 2010 and loved it. The shape was just a little more funky, the sleeves shorter, and I thought (and did) wear it with literally everything. I had rediscovered the bun and headband combo (to hide unwashed hair, I am guessing) and wearing bangles I got from yard sale day in my home-town. I was a little more confident here. Assured. Also check that Gossip Girl poster and hot mess of a desk. Oof.
This last picture was definitely sent to friends, cousins, and my mother from the dressing room of a very cute boutique in Old City that no longer exists. I had cut my hair again, clearly, and for the first time was leaving it wavy (even when leaving the house). This dress became my 21st birthday dress. It was so nice, the lace was so soft and fine and hand-wash only. I still have that dress, destroyed by time and washing machines, and a ton of holes. It was the most I had ever spent on a dress (though I cannot even remember), but I figured I deserved it for my first legal tequila shots.